I feel so out of control. I am envisioning my new life, relatively joyless, sexless, lonely, and isolated.
And all of this angst and sadness is being experienced in secret. How does one handle heartbreak that is a secret? Part of me wonders if I am even entitled to any of this grief, that maybe I deserve this for being an adulterer.
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Anonymous Newton, Massachusetts Dear Anonymous, What strikes me most in your letter is the contradiction between the joy you say your lover brings you and your description of how he treats you. Chstting of seeing his behavior for what it is—manipulative, menacing, controlling, and cruel—you seem wex idealize your lover as the source of your happiness, which indicates to me that your distorted ideas about love and connection have deep roots.
Meanwhile, in your marriage, as in many dhatting that lack physical intimacy, what you see reflected back to you is likely the opposite: You feel invisible, undesired, and unheard when it comes to your wants and needs. Asit takes form in the mirror our parents hold up to us. Do they delight in our presence? Do they see our beauty?
Do they respond to our wants and needs? Do we matter to them? If so, an image of ourselves as worthy and lovable is reflected back to us, and we begin to integrate it into a positive self-image. Children who lack this reflection experience heartbreak and grieve alone, because the adults they would normally share their inner worlds chattiing are the very people they feel hurt by.
As adults, many of them end up seaech marriages that resemble their childhood. Perhaps without realizing it, you sought out what felt familiar to you from your childhood—the pain of feeling helpless and alone.
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If we like how things are going we can maybe go further but only if we both want the same thing.
I am real and prefer not to play. Do they respond to our wants and needs? Meanwhile, your husband may not know about your affair or he may know more than you imagine, prompting his job search across the countrybut as much as you feel his distance from you, surely he senses your distance from him. Serious men only. Early on, when the sexual problems became search lonely married man for chatting sex, how did you and your husband talk about them? I am married and it is fine if you are too, I do not want to change my situation and do not expect you to change yours either.
We can meet in the public place of your choice where you feel safe and have lunch I will buy. Hope to meet an interesting woman so we can add some excitement and variety to both of our lives.
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Dear therapist: my husband and i never have sex, so i’m having an affair
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